i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
