So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
