Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
