ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
