Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
