I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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