He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
