I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
