whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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