Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
