I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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