her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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