I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Everclear isn't food dammit
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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