She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You can't special order awesome
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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