Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(234): View more from Ohio

Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey

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(234): Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey http://tfl.nu/njnw

Replies (1) Good night (1371) Bad night (576)
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(315): View more from New York

So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.

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(315): So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave. http://tfl.nu/cgpg

Replies (46) Good night (765) Bad night (9533)
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(440): View more from Ohio

i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense

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(440): i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense http://tfl.nu/65hc

Replies (23) Good night (1779) Bad night (5470)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Then she called me a home wrecking whore.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.

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(702): Then she called me a home wrecking whore. (1-702): dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count. http://tfl.nu/bp07

Replies (15) Good night (5939) Bad night (1112)
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(410): View more from Maryland

There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.

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(410): There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to. http://tfl.nu/sxdr

Replies (17) Good night (1224) Bad night (5689)
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(905): View more from Ontario

My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.

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(905): My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed. http://tfl.nu/zkjg

Replies (21) Good night (4492) Bad night (2064)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

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(717): He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger http://tfl.nu/u6xr

Replies (22) Good night (1357) Bad night (4971)
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(989): View more from Michigan

in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.

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(989): in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/9a80

Replies (14) Good night (1116) Bad night (4813)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??

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(908): I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off?? http://tfl.nu/r74o

Replies (4) Good night (1685) Bad night (1552)
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(903): View more from Texas

I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.

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(903): I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up. http://tfl.nu/rp3b

Replies (9) Good night (2296) Bad night (1036)
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(212): View more from New York

You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.

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(212): You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne. http://tfl.nu/l5in

Replies (13) Good night (1898) Bad night (596)
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(334): View more from Alabama

I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.

(334): View more from Alabama

I stand by my new policy.

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(334): I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots. (334): I stand by my new policy. http://tfl.nu/bu7l

Replies (4) Good night (1295) Bad night (455)
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(503): View more from Oregon

We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.

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(503): We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty. http://tfl.nu/32wc

Replies (9) Good night (670) Bad night (1379)
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(921): View more from

Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!

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(921): Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK! http://tfl.nu/zhve

Replies (4) Good night (642) Bad night (756)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."

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(610): You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would." http://tfl.nu/q6wg

Replies (0) Good night (652) Bad night (229)

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