i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.