Texts From Last Night

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  (315): View more from New York

  That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

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  (315): That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge. http://tfl.nu/kztm
  Replies (35) Good night (859) Bad night (4363)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?

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  (505): When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward? http://tfl.nu/82ih
  Replies (15) Good night (628) Bad night (3842)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.

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  (708): High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay. http://tfl.nu/m4rp
  Replies (20) Good night (5208) Bad night (902)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

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  (+44): You are the patron saint of my drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/rquk
  Replies (10) Good night (4235) Bad night (1018)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team

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  (978): i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team http://tfl.nu/fnfy
  Replies (24) Good night (1217) Bad night (4822)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children

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  (248): The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children http://tfl.nu/7xpu
  Replies (6) Good night (4383) Bad night (796)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry

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  (989): From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry http://tfl.nu/kfwr
  Replies (4) Good night (1675) Bad night (972)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar

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  (845): I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar http://tfl.nu/fuzg
  Replies (22) Good night (927) Bad night (1526)
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  (+34): View more from Spain

  First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?

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  (+34): First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here? http://tfl.nu/wg03
  Replies (8) Good night (2248) Bad night (927)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.

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  (630): I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time. http://tfl.nu/846n
  Replies (7) Good night (522) Bad night (1378)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.

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  (214): Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds. http://tfl.nu/uk4u
  Replies (4) Good night (502) Bad night (862)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.

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  (757): You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part. http://tfl.nu/w83y
  Replies (4) Good night (716) Bad night (305)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  ITS ORAL SEX CAROL

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  (651): My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means (651): ITS ORAL SEX CAROL http://tfl.nu/ccj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1345) Bad night (359)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground

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  (314): Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground http://tfl.nu/k9yg
  Replies (1) Good night (367) Bad night (267)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here

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  (406): this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here http://tfl.nu/accs
  Replies (5) Good night (416) Bad night (652)

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