I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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