It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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