Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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