well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
