Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
