i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
