The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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