Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
