I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
