We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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