i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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