Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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