I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
