Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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