Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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