i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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