i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
