I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
