i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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