maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
