I'm so fucking centered right now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
