1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
