No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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