just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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