if i can run in heels then i can drive
one might say we're banned from that church
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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