And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
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As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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