This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
