is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
