I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
