Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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