the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
