i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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