I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
