Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
