should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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