I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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