Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
