I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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