that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
