i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize