How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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