Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize