If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
