you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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