My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I smell like Dick and happiness
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
