There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
