you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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