Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
