the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
