WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
