16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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