Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
