Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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